The Philbert Buster debate rages
May 24, 2005 8:20 am
This author finds it hard to believe that with so many pressing issues facing this great nation, that Congress is spending so much time arguing about whether or not Democrats should crack open a nut.
Who hasn't busted a philbert during the holidays and enjoyed the savory deliciousness found inside? When Senator Rick Santorum compared the Democrat's use of the philbert buster to the actions of Adolf Hitler and the Nazis in 1941, I was appalled! Senator Santorum, are all nut-enjoying citizens Nazis? I think not!
Besides, all Americans can benefit from the philbert buster. It can be used to open shelled nuts of all kinds. So whether you enjoy peanuts, walnuts or, yes, philberts, stand proudly and extend the philbert buster in your calloused, hard-working American palms and crack that hard, protective exterior. Enjoy, I say enjoy those delicious nuts!
The philbert buster is also vital to the war on terror. I can think of several creative ways our interrogators at Gitmo and Abu Ghraib could use this handy device to extract useful information. Clearly, by witholding use of the philbert buster from the terrorists, they will be unable to enjoy nuts. Their hands will become raw and bloody as they claw at their delicious chesnuts in vain. They will cave and we shall be victorious. I guess that's the only real use for them in the war on terror, but you must admit, it's a strong lever.
So to all those who oppose the philbert buster, a pox upon all your houses. It reminds me of the immortal words of Shecky Green, "give me philberts or give me the potato salad!" Let us all remember Shecky Green!
User Comments
 | chadd | May 24, 2005 8:37 AM i think Shecky Green is my uncle. |
 | Ernie Keebler | May 26, 2005 1:53 PM Hear Hear! A rousing "Huzzah!" for the Philbert Buster. Too bad I'm allergic to nuts... |
 | Neko | Nov 20, 2005 9:39 PM thats way to much for me to read.... |
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